Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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