So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
