is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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