Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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