Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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