Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
