similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
