saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
