I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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