Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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