the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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