What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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