I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
