unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
