I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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