I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
