If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We left the knife in your bed.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
