my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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