I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
