Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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