Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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