I'm sorry my penis didn't work
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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