i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
