this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
