When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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