did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
