I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
