I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
