Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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