you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She bit a glass in half.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
