We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
