I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
