just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Come share oat with me in your robe
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
