Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
