and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
