In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
