they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
worst night to have a conscience
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
