you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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