I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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