I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Randomize
