he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
