I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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