these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
