you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
