"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
