I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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