he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
