someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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