Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
