I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
