were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize