I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
