Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
