She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
