dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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