He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
