woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize