His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
