you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
