okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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