I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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