i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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