The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
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