I feel like I'm in dance class right now
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
you never un-have a 4some
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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