We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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