Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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