How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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