I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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