I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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