I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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