What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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