the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Edward fifth and chaser hands
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
