you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
