3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
COCAINE IS GR8
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
