I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
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