We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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