Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
